I often wonder why most of us are so hard on ourselves. Why we barrage our brains with negative thoughts, self-criticism and harsh judgments about our thoughts, actions, decisions and even about our feelings (I shouldn’t be feeling this way). In my experience as a therapist, and more importantly, as a member of the human race, we tend to be more forgiving and accepting of others, for those same things we are apt to heavily condemn ourselves.

Perhaps there is some nobility in settinghigher standards for ourselves but on the other hand, it is highly incongruent. And ultimately it promotes and reinforces the false believe that we are separate.

I love this quote by Thich Nhat Hanh: “We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.” No matter your spiritual orientation, or lack thereof, it is undeniable we are all of the human race. We share similar thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, dreams, and goals and perhaps most importantly, the undeniable need for connection. What I believe is forgotten is the need for self-connection. So what does this mean?

To be connected to oneself is to experience integration of mind, body and soul – to acknowledge and own our thoughts, feelings and actions. And here is the key: In a gentle, compassionate, nonjudgmental way. Easier said than done for sure. But what if we habitually spoke to ourselves in the same way we would speak to and support a friend or family member who may have made a “mistake”? What if we showed ourselves the same love we show others we care about?

I, for one, am committed to doing just this. And in so doing I am contributing to the wellbeing of my fellow humans.

Self-love and compassion is not selfish. It is selfless.