I recently watched on You Tube a Britain’s Got Talent audition. The male vocalist brought tears to the judges and I’m sure to most of the audience. It was very touching and tears were so fitting. As the judges were speaking to the contestant, they kept saying, “I’m sorry” as they wiped away their tears. And the contestant did as well.

It reminded me of just how often we feel a need to apologize for crying – for outwardly, honestly and trustingly sharing our sadness, grief, etc. So why is this?

Most of us, from a very young age, are given explicit or implicit messages such as: Be strong; boys (especially) don’t cry; crying makes others uncomfortable; I will loose control if I cry; I can’t be vulnerable. All these distorted beliefs lead to the final: I won’t allow myself to go there.

I know people who allow the tears to flow and I can say that I am genuinely comfortable with just allowing whatever comes up to be. (Good thing considering what I do for a living). I admire and respect them beyond words. So, here is my confession: I am not so free in letting MY tears fall. I have allowed myself to believe in some of the falsehoods about letting our sadness, or being touched by something, to be expressed. Yes, I do tear up watching movies, hearing and sharing my clients’ pain. I even tear up, rather frequently, seeing beautiful things unfold in nature. Not Kleenex worthy though.

When it comes to the sobbing type of crying, I won’t go there, even when that which I am processing would be acknowledged and honored in so doing. For me, it goes back to the big “T”….Trust…Trust that I will not forever be feeling bereft, broken, and helpless and essentially, a total mess with no ability to reclaim balance, and at least, a measure of peace.

I know where this false belief comes from. That is an intellectual insight and good to know. Also what is intellectually helpful is that I have been that total “mess” many times in my life and then all became well. But intellect is not enough. It goes back to those same themes:

~Self acceptance

~Self compassion

~Self forgiveness

~Self love

What would it feel like to embody and embrace these concepts even 50% of the time? Can you imagine the freedom we would experience in our lives? We could laugh, cry, express (safely), be still, and be in the moment, give, receive, giggle, cuddle, smile, frown and, well just BE.

What a concept, a wonderful, beautiful concept.