It may not come as a surprise to hear that men and women experience and express stress differently. While the majority of stress research in the last 50 years has been conducted on men, a recent study done on women’s friendships in the context of stress management has had “stunning” implications and has turned much of that research “upside down”. The following is a summary of an article by Gale Berkowitz, titled “UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women: An alternative to fight or flight” which outlines the fascinating findings of this study.

As a woman, I found this study especially interesting however not surprising. For you men reading this: Just because your physiology doesn’t utilize oxytocin in the same fashion as women does not mean you are stuck. As you read this summary, consider these questions:

· What obstacles or excuses do you create preventing close ties with others?

· How has isolating in the face of stress affected you?

· How willing are you to include something other than fight or flight in to your response to stress?

The study was a result of what was initially a joke made between two female scientists at the university, followed by their identification that approximately 90% of stress research to date had been conducted on men. The “joke” was that when the women scientists were stressed, they would come in to the lab, clean, make coffee, and bond with one another. When the male scientists were stressed, they would “hole up” somewhere and isolate themselves. While this was a casual joke among colleagues, the consideration of its truth combined with the realization that so little research had been done on women’s experience of stress had implications too large and fascinating to ignore.

This study recognizes that women’s friendships have unique and special qualities. These relationships impact women’s identities both present and future, they sooth inner turmoil, they can meet needs not being fulfilled within a marriage, and can be grounding in terms of experiencing one’s authentic self. Beyond these important and special factors, however, are even greater implications.

Prior research had led to the conclusion that stress, in either gender, triggered a hormonal reaction that resulted in the classic “fight or flight” response. This study suggests that a woman’s response to stress results in a chemical reaction within the brain that actually causes her to make and maintain friendships with other women. It has also resulted in the belief that women have a “larger behavioral repertoire” than just the fight or flight response, and that the release of oxytocin in the face of a stressful situation may actually buffer the fight or flight response. The result of this buffering is a tendency to tend to her children and gather with other women. Engaging in these behaviors causes further release of oxytocin which produces a calming effect and counteracts stress.

Men do not experience this phenomenon because, under stress, their bodies produce high levels of testosterone which can exacerbate it. The implications of the different reactions between genders are huge in regards to health.

This reaction in women is labeled a “tend and befriend” response and it’s acknowledged that it may take some time for studies to reveal all the ways in which oxytocin elicits this. It may explain why women outlive men, and it has been firmly established by many studies that social ties have several positive impacts on health. These include lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol, and there have been studies conducted that directly correlate friendships, or lack of, with mortality.

It has also been identified in research that friendships improve quality of life. A study conducted by Harvard Medical School found that the more friendships women had the less likely they were to develop physical impairments with age, and that they experienced more joy-filled lives. The researchers who conducted this study concluded that the impact of friendships on health was so significant that lacking them is as detrimental as smoking or being overweight.

Research has also found that women who have close friendships are more capable of withstanding the extreme stressor of losing a spouse without developing new physical impairments or experiencing a loss of vitality.

This article concludes with a powerful and important point: If friends help us counter stress, keep us healthy, and even increase the longevity of our lives, why is it so challenging to make time to spend with them? Berkowitz cites author Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., in answer to this, stating that women’s friendships are one of the first things to be put by the way-side when life becomes busy. We can now understand what a mistake this is as women are “such a source of strength” to one another, are able to nurture each other, and can create an “unpressured space” to talk with one another in the unique and healing way that women can.